Dealing and Coping With the Loss of a Child

When a parent passes away, a link to the past is lost; when a spouse passes away, a link to the present is gone; but when a child passes away, a link to the future is departed. An inescapable part of life is loss, and grief, a natural progression for healing. The parent-child relationship is physically, socially, and psychologically unique among all other human relationships. They must learn to rebuild their life without their beloved child. There are differences, as men in general are taught to be the rock, who can be leaned on by others and to look upto for support, which frequently causes men to submerge their own pain. Women, on the other hand, express emotions openly. Understanding the differences in how men and women grieve can help minimize the perception that one parent has suffered a greater loss than the other.

In the days following the passing away, feelings, emotions and behaviors will emerge like a roller-coaster ride. But a time comes, when parents rejoice in the accomplishments and the contributions made to the family and the world by their child. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Over a period of time the intensity and frequency of the emotions will lessen. Couples may need to negotiate when and how to talk about their grief. Don\'t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. They cannot know what you need, unless you tell them. Each should accept the other\'s feelings, and acknowledge them as legitimate, even if they aren\'t completely understood.

* People may avoid mentioning your child\'s name, because they don\'t want to cause you pain. Unfortunately it\'s up to you to let them know how important it is to you.

* Keep a journal or write about your feelings to express the emotions. Over a period of few months you will be able to see how things change for you.

* Some people, particularly men, find active working helps them fight their grief. It may be related to your child\'s interests or a way to remember your child.

* Write down memories of your child as they occur. Actively create a memorial or ritual to continue your child\'s part in your lives.

* Be aware that in the first year, you experience all of the firsts like family gatherings, holidays, events that trigger your grief. You may want to think of starting some new traditions on these days. Take a day\'s off from work and do something together if possible. Talk about the baby with your other children or with friends.

Patience with the process and allowing feelings to come without judgment is the key as life is not really measured in time, but it\'s measured in \"events\". We can\'t always choose what events happen to us in this life but we can choose what we do after that event happens. With each step as we grow the events of our life go forward, and so do our choices after each event. There is no one correct way to grieve the loss of a child, be perceptive of the patterns of grief and its impact can help smooth the path towards a happy and healthy new life, for parents who have suffered the loss.

Linda Torrey - runs a non profit grief and bereavement website - \r Linda Angel Bereavement & Grief Support Center - http://www.linda-angel.com\r This web site\'s sole aim is to provide free information to those in need. The website provides articles, resources, advise, forums & a free book.\r Download a free copy of our book Linda Angel - A story of grief recovery and spiritual healing.

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