Dating.Com: Why Single Moms Shouldn’t

As a single mom, there are some very good reasons for online dating; you can do a lot of it in your PJs and no makeup while your kids are in school, or check out profiles at work while still appearing to be working. You also dont have to spend any money on a sitter while youre emailing or talking on the phone, however, its all down hill from there.

After being encouraged for over a year after my divorce to try online dating, I finally gave it a shot. I was overwhelmed with how many men were available and how fun it was to peruse all their profiles looking for Mr. Right. I had a system, some criteria; hed have to initiate contact and then I would respond. I wanted to know the guy could spell and if he had a sense of humor, among other things. Wed write a few emails followed up by some phone conversations, and then - the meeting. After a while I realized I was meeting and dating guys I would not normally date if I had I met them first. I can only presume this was due to a false sense of familiarity cultivated during anonymous exchanges in cyber-space. I changed my system and tried to meet the men as soon as possible to see if there would be a better sense of whether or not there was a connection. Either way, when I met an online date I would think, OK, maybe I can work with this, but I was never really exited about any one of them. I was dating though, and that was just good enough to go on a second date, and a third..you get the picture.

That statement is really disturbing when you think about it. Weve all probably settled at one point, but the problem with online dating is that you dont really know what youre getting or settling for. Other than being single, theres no other commonality that brings you together with this person; all you have is a profile. The profile is pure marketing where everyone is describing themselves in the best light possible. He may sound great, but could actually be someone very different than what hes presenting. He has also read your profile and knows what you are looking for and who you want him to be. Without even knowing you, these men know that you like him for who he says he is and he knows that is what he has to deliver to date you. Anyone can sustain a certain image for a while; the question is for how long? .

Through my online dating experiences, I have found that not one of these men has turned out to be whom or what he made himself out to be in his profile. Sometimes you can figure this out right away, but other times not until youve invested much of yourself and your time.

The majority of single moms I know dont want to date for recreation, but to ultimately find a relationship that lasts. My experience has helped me discover that the men you will meet online are not long term relationship candidates. Of course there are exceptions to this, but I havent personally met one and neither has any other single mom that I know of. In fact, some single moms who have had relationships with men they met online (never lasting more than a year, myself included) have found them back online and misrepresenting themselves in their profiles in order to appeal to as many unsuspecting women as possible. Aside from the exes, there are also men that juggle several women at a time, even after telling the women they are in an exclusive relationship. The dating sites encourage this type of juggling to occur since so many women are only a mouse click away!

Ive found that if Im paying attention, there are plenty of men out there to meet as a result of having some common ground. Not only is this safer, but the men Ive dated that I met by chance or through friends and acquaintances, have always been more in tune with what Im looking for. Somehow, having some commonality that brings us together makes it all seem more authentic instead of contrived, like a dating site profile.

Mindy Erickson is a single mom of four living in Colorado. She is a frequent contributor of articles relating to her experiences and observations as a single mom. You can read more of her articles on her website http://www.othersinglemoms.com and learn more about Mindy on her blog http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com

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