I remember the day as if it was yesterday. Wed all poured out from church and were getting into cars, heading home for our Sunday lunches.

Just before I jumped in the car, I gave our friend Paul a hug, he was due to be getting married in a couple of weeks and he and his fiance were so in love.

It was just hours later that we heard hed been killed in a head on crash.

Everyone was devastated. It seems such a waste of a promising young man and someone who was so full of life.

How do you respond to the untimely death of a close friend or loved one?

For me it was determine to make the most of every day, to love people fully today, without waiting for a better tomorrow.

In practice, this means making time for my kids, my family and my friends.

It means taking the time to say our hellos and goodbyes properly you never know when it will be your last chance.

It means telling my kids that I love them every day even now that theyre teenagers if something happens to me or them, theyll know that even on a bad day they are loved and loveable.

Though my friends death was over ten years ago, his legacy lives on in the hearts of those who knew him, and in lives which are fully lived each day.

Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

About the Author

Jen Carter runs the Special Moments site where you can find 50 best-loved funeral poems and readings.

You can find more funeral and eulogy poems at Poem4Today.

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Have you ever considered why some people show little outward expression of emotion when a loved one dies and others seem not to be able to control the outpouring of feelings? Or have you ever made the mistake of judging that someone is not as sad as you expected the person would be? These are important questions because the answers you decide on will heavily influence the way you relate to and help the bereaved.

Judging the depth of pain and sadness in anyone who is grieving is a non-starter at best, but to believe that the outward expression of emotion is a valid indicator of inner turmoil (or sadness) in a mourner is to make a tragic mistake as a caregiver. Keep in mind that every mourner brings to the loss event all of the beliefs, experiences, and perceptions of his or her life as well as the distinct emotional investment in the person who died. Consequently, the way a person deals with any loss event will be a one-of-a-kind response.

What should we know to best serve those who are in need when mourning the death of a loved one?

1. First, although commonalities exist, the grief response is highly individual and often influenced by those who are close to the mourner. Yes, some individuals hide their grief while others respond according to someone elses agenda. In any event, so-called normal mourning includes a much wider variety of responses than is normally recognized, not a narrow easily defined descriptive formula as found in many stages models of grieving.

2. Not everyone mourning the death of a loved one experiences depression, anger, guilt, fear or deep sadness. Yet the grief response in those who do not have to deal with these emotions may be as normal as those who experience them.

3. There is a big difference between depression and sadness. Often a person is very sad, introverted, and not open to talking about the loss or some events leading up to the loss. Regrettably, this is sometimes interpreted as the person being in depression. Depressed people are usually less focused on the deceased and more on the self, exhibit little fluctuation in mood, yet carry a much more pervasive sense of emptiness and hopelessness. Never try to diagnose. Give the person time, and if a total lack of interaction continues to prevail, consult a trained counselor.

4. When grief normally occurs, the cultural tide still engulfs men telling them to be strong and keep a stiff upper lip. They often need permission to show emotion, and equally important, given recognition that they are hurting. Participation in making arrangements and doing things is a very important part of their mourning.

5. Many women have been conditioned to believe they are or should be responsible for virtually everything. When death occurs, they are often riddled with guilt and the belief they should have been able to do so much more, even to have prevented the death. Let them know the difference between true cause and effect guilt and neurotic guilt that is induced by the culture.

6. Women tend to have more social connections, often a wider support network, and are more willing to talk about their feelings. Men usually have fewer support persons to rely on and do not like to talk openly about their pain. Thus far fewer men join support groups. However, these patterns can be reversed in some people.

The behavioral, social and physical responses, attempts at coping, and beliefs about death and mourning among people are highly diverse. The result is even more diversity in what is considered normal mourning. Therefore, we have to be very much aware of the differences in mourning behavior within individual families and other social groups if we attempt to provide support. This will limit misinterpretations and jumping to the conclusion that someone is in need of professional assistance.

Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena). He is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.

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When I was young I was taught that crying was not good. After all, the message was that if you cry too much, youre going to get sick. Crying, especially in public, definitely was bad news. In short, crying, even when grieving, was considered to be a sign of weakness. If you were going to cry, then do so in private.

Through the years this and many other natural ways of showing emotion have been stifled by many of the celebrities who always assume a stoic pose when appearing on camera. (I always remember the death of President Kennedy and the way Jackie showed little emotion during the funeral and on TV.)

Many additional beliefs about expressing emotion were looked down upon for years as western culture had adopted the rugged individualism view of dealing with life in all its manifestations. Expressing emotion was out and being strong was definitely in. Keeping emotion within is presently the cultural norm.

However, psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs instilled early in life) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following.

1. We are built to vocalize feelings and tell our stories. This is an inherent and normal human response. Its purpose is to relieve the stress of trauma and massive change that occur in every life. There is a basic human need to externalize the pressure and pain that develops within.

2. What is the alternative when we bottle the anxiety, anger, fear, guilt or pain that is generated by a major loss? The physical self pays a huge price to perform this task. Stress hormones go into overdrive and every cell in the body is affected. I repeat, every cell in the body is heavily stressed. Energy stores are depleted.

3. A more vicious result of stuffing feelings is that our unconscious and our memory banks keep them forever alive in full force. Consequently, we are easily thrown into deep pain throughout life when something we see in a movie or on a TV show or read in the paper, cues up the terrible feelings and memories we never dealt with.

So what can you do? The obvious answer is to find a way to tell your story of pain and disappointment. If you dont have a best friend who is a good long-term listener, (a resource we all need to develop), then seek out a counselor, clergy person, or support group. You also can express feelings through writing, drawing, painting or sculpting. Reach out to God to unload your burden. You may need several avenues of release.

Give in to the natural inclination to share the pain of loss. There is nothing weak about doing so. It is not merely highly therapeutic, it will lead to insights into your loss and how to cope with it (verbalizing our feelings often leads to new interpretations and thoughts). When appropriate, request your good listener to give you valuable feedback.

Make every effort to change the pattern of the way you deal with loss and change and encourage your children to be open with you about their feelings. See the process as wisdom seeking and in making wise choices. Let periodic expression, where you plumb the deepest depths of your feelings, become part of your long-term healing process. We all need the nurturance and feeling of community that sharing feelings naturally brings forth.

Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com

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While one can never exactly know how another person feels. It is possible to get a sense of how they feel by trying to remember how you felt when you were in a similar situation. It really is amazing how many of us can truly relate to the grief and horror the Hurricane Katrina Disaster Victims are experiencing by using a simple method.

I happen to have a beautiful sweet wonderful niece by the name of Anna. (She is actually married to my wife\’s nephew). Do to be located far from each other I have only seen Anna a handful of times. A few weeks ago Anna gave birth to premature twins, The twins are still in the hospital and doing well. Listening to the TV news there was a report of a lady who\’s baby was still in the hospital. The lady was evacuated without her baby. She eventually found her baby safe and sound who had been evacuated to another hospital where it could receive the attention it deserved. I still can\’t stop thinking about how that could have just as easily been my niece Anna and her new born twins.

I was hearing on the news today that families are still separated and searching for each other more then a week after the Hurricane and floods. Flashback to 9/11/2001 I was living in Southern CA at the time. (I was born and raised in New York City). I heard about the world Trade centers about 8 o\’clock local time when I was getting ready for work. I was numb I was in a stupor. I imagine I felt much like many people who were born and raised in the Gulf Coast disaster region feel watching the devastation of places they know and love so much.

At about 10 or 11 am local time on 9/11/2001 (about 2pm New York time) I received a call from my wife who was in tears. It seems Anna worked in the World Trade and she hadn\’t been heard from. As bad as I felt before that call I felt even worse knowing Anna was missing. The World Trade center bombing had now become very personal for me. Yes Anna was found a few hours later and gave birth to those premature twins almost 4 years later.

About 2 Months 9/11 I ran into a high school buddy of mine (I went to High school in New York City). I found out that a friend of mine from High School was killed in the plane that hit the pentagon. My mom had told me someone from the neighborhood was in that plane but she so badly mispronounced his name I didn\’t make the connection.

While I can never claim to fully understand the pain and grief the Hurricane Katrina Disaster Victims are feeling, By finding some similarities in me own life I can get a small sense of what they feel.

About the Author

Mike Makler Offers Financial Services (Mortgages,Life Insurance, Annuity) in Florissant Missouri which is in North St. Louis County Missouri Just Across the Bridge from St. Charles Missouri

Call Mike at 314 398-5547

Visit Mike\’s Web Page:

http://ewguru.com/finance

For Missouri Specific Insurance and Loan Questions:

http://ewguru.com/Mo-Finance

Get Mike\’s Newsletter Here
http://ewguru.com/fin-news

Copyright 2005-2006 Mike Makler

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\”Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!\”

There are times when life suddenly casts a shadow before us: we suffer for sins we did not even commit, we go through situations we certainly do not deserve to be in. In such times, we have so many questions throbbing at the back of our minds, but the biggest of them all is \”WHY?\”

We want to know the reason why we had to go through such excruciating pain. We want to know why we were not able to do anything to prevent the terrible things that happened. We want to know why God failed us, why He let us down at the time we needed Him most.

Yet even after we are able to answer these questions, the pain remains, life stands still, and we can do nothing but wait \’til everything\’s over, until we can move on again like we used to, when our hearts weren\’t shattered yet into the thousand lonely pieces they broke into. We then come into answering our second biggest question, and that is \”HOW?\”

How do we deal with the awful feeling of brokenness? How do we start to move on? How on earth are we ever going to smile again?

Like many people, I\’ve been through dark and painful moments in my life as well, moments I wanted to skip, moments when what I really wanted the most is to have my own time machine so I can either go back where I was happy, or fast forward anywhere in the future where I can find myself again. But no machine like that has ever been invented yet, and the only way to move from the terrible place where I stand is to go through the dark tunnel ahead that will lead me towards the new beginning I\’m looking forward to.

If you\’re willing to go through that dark tunnel with me, let us begin. Let us try to answer the only question that can lead us into a better place. How indeed can we ever deal with our grief?

1. Accept the challenge and do my best.

We can never move on anywhere unless we acknowledge where we stand at the moment. Acceptance is the shortest route to peace. Acceptance will help you let go of your WHYs so you can start focusing on your HOWs. Accept that things have already happened. Accept that you can do nothing to turn back the hands of time to undo everything that\’s already been done. You can blame everyone, you can blame God, you can even blame yourself but that would never change your situation. That would never help you get out of the pit that you\’re in, the suffering you\’re going through. Find the way to acceptance, and you can begin to find the strength and the will to move on.

2. Rest when I can no longer carry on.

It is a good thing to cry and mourn for your sorrows. It is good to release your tears, your anger, your pent-up emotions. But there are limits to our powers, to our physical and emotional strength as human beings. We need enough time to rest in order to renew our strength so we can have a better cry next time. Have enough sleep. Force yourself to watch television or buy groceries and give yourself a break. Try to forget your troubles even if only for an hour or so. That way, you do not exhaust yourself to the point where you no longer have enough strength to face the challenges of the coming day. Reserve some of your strength until you are able to make it through.

3. Take comfort in God\’s greatness, love and strength.

Many people may criticize me for this. But those who knew torment and have survived from it a better person understand the comfort of knowing someone is there listening to you, someone who understands you, all those hurts you\’re going through. Someone who doesn\’t judge you or condemn you, just someone who loves you and trusts you that if you will only hang in there a minute more, you shall surely make it through.

It may be quite ironic, but I have found my greatest joy in the arms of my God in my darkest hour. I felt him hugging me, comforting me, crying with me. He didn\’t just watch me. He didn\’t scold me and reprimanded me to get up and be strong and stop being such a fool. He cried with me. He knew my pain and he claimed it as though it were His own.

4. Bear the pain and be patient.

This seems to be the hardest part of all. Pain is pain and suffering is suffering. There is no pill or any kind of painkiller that we can take to prevent us from feeling our hurts. We have to bear it head on and cling to the thought that things will definitely change for the better.

\”I have deep sorrow today, and an unclear vision of the future. But nobody ever died of loneliness - only of hopelessness! As long as I have hope, no problem is ever too difficult, no night ever so dark that it can prevent the rising of another day!\”

There are times when we are so lost in the dark that no matter how hard we try to find our way, we find not the roads we\’re looking for; no matter how desperately we seek, we grasp not the answers, and we continue to grope in the shadow of the night.

But faint not, and fear not the voices that creep in the dark. For in your hour of need, help shall come upon you. In your moments of greatest fear, a flame of hope shall arise and give you peace. The night is short and the voices will soon fade away. Darkness shall falter and surrender to a brand new day.

Take heart; stand firmly and strong, for it will not be long before the awaited dawn.

5. When it is time, stop dwelling on the pain

There are times when the pain finally subsides, and we are given a chance to move on a notch higher. Finally, we have the chance to break free from our pain. The problem however is that many of us choose to cling to our hurts. We let the pain linger longer than they should. Maybe we got so used to it, we don\’t know anymore what we\’re going to do without it. Maybe we feel mad at ourselves and we choose to punish ourselves for the things we thought we did wrong. Maybe we\’re mad at someone else and we want to punish him by punishing ourselves. Whatever it is, it will not help you find your path to living the full life you should be living. Let it go. Let go of your pain and move on.

6. Live from day to day. Or if that is too long, from moment to moment.

There are some wounds that take a longer time to heal than others, and there are some hurts that take a while longer to subside. The important thing is that we stay afloat one day, one moment at a time. Don\’t think of how hard the whole process is going to be, you\’ll go nuts doing that! Don\’t think of all the lonely days ahead of you. They haven\’t even arrived yet! Just think of the moment. If you can live and make it for the moment, that is all that is needed to make it through.

7. Claim the strength God gives me to rise above the situation.

There is a strength God gives you in times when your strength is no longer enough. However you may call Him, there is a Higher Power that will see you through. I\’ve received it. I\’ve felt it coming just in time when I can no longer see how I\’m going to carry on. That is why we should never compare our strength with the weight of our problems. We\’d probably make a wrong estimate doing that! There is a strength that comes to you to help you overcome whatever you\’re going through. Wait for it! It will certainly come and will not delay.

8. Learn everything I can from the process.

When we\’re in pain, we seldom realize what lessons we can learn from the process. Though it is quite understandable why we do not give attention to things like that in times of grief, the truth remains that we do learn many things during our darkest hour. It is a time when everything we know and have ever learned are being challenged in an instant. It is a time when we come to realize what it is we value the most in life. It is a time when we get to understand other people better. Let us take advantage of those times when we see things more clearly than we ever saw them before.

9. Protect my joy at all times.

Sounds crazy doesn\’t it? This thing you can ignore if you want to, but I believe that joy and sorrow can definitely exist at the same time. Yes, we are hurt. Yes, we\’re broken. But yes, we know we\’re going to make it. And yes, we know we\’ll get out of it better persons than we used to be. Somewhere in our hearts, there is a chamber of joy that should remain intact, untouched, forever guiding us in our most troublesome paths.

It is indeed a painful thing to grow, but afterwards, you will be glad that you have undergone the process. You will feel stronger. You will feel like you have just been released from your self-made prison. You will carry with you the joy of God being there for you, comforting you in your darkest hour. You will have greater confidence as you learn more about the true beauty that lies within you. And you will move forward in life with greater strides knowing that the things which have caused you pain could no longer touch you and torment you the way it did before. You will overflow in spirit realizing that you have just risen from your former horizon and moved on to greater heights. And you will look forward to His guiding hand that will carry you farther from one God-destined glory to the next.

Joice works currently as an auditor, but continues to write and reach for her dreams of writing fulltime and being able to touch and inspire lives through her writing. From her humble beginnings, she was able to work her way through college through her various scholarships, graduating Summa Cum Laude in 1996. She has published a book on a screenplay chosen as finalist in a National scriptwriting contest. She loves early mornings, chatting over a cup of coffee, walking along the beach, and singing her heart out with her best buddies. http://itakeoffthemask.com

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Lets begin by taking you on a journey through Time. Time is like the envelope for your life. Your Life is the letter. You place yourself inside of Time and you mail yourself to God. Along the way you forget where you are going. Events on the path remind you, but the messages often appear fragmented and unclear.

Periodically you have a breakthrough, a strong reminder that your target again is God. He is your goal and your mainstay. He is the reason Life abounds. In death He lives on, as do we. This Spirit is indomitable, here to stay, here to manage for yet another day, year or century.

Your letter is opened at the end. What does it say? Did it my way? Learned to love? Richer for the experience? Tough road, but worth it? How about those losses, how did you handle those? Bravely you might say. Not so well could be another answer. How about poorly, or wasnt able to deal with the feelings. That would be sad, wouldnt it?

Then lets prepare, shall we. Lets do what we can to tackle Lifes events to keep our letter on the straight and narrow, to hit our target as we believe we could. Lets learn all we can from Life and give back our very best. Then, when were asked: How did it go? We can say splendidly. Yes indeed, I did my very best, and it was good. All the way, I went all the way. Yes, thats the way to celebrate a lifetime. Once that letter is opened at the end, we want to say: Hi there, God, did You miss me? I had a good one that time, even learned how to deal with Grief. And God will of course smile. He knew you had it in you and He looked forward to the mail every day.

Heres how it might look to Him. A person struggles with their life dilemmas and learns their lessons. They arrive at His doorstep with much wisdom as a result. That benefits both Him and the individual concerned because God loves to grow too. Remember, we are created in His Image. Our thoughts are His thoughts. Our goals are His as well. If we enjoy growing through our life experiences then that has to be true for Him also.

We all grow when we take on our sorrows. These are especially hard on us. But they take us deeper into the experience of Life. And we are richer for the work and effort. Yes, we gain much along the way. Our letter arrives stuffed fuller than when we set out, with worthy experiences that testify to our growth.

The stories and reflections in this book are about growing. They are about facing up to our losses. As difficult as these are, they are opportunities for growth. No, we might not choose this method of schooling, but it remains an essential aspect of Life. We will all pass there one day. Each of us is likely to say goodbye many times before our own final goodbye comes along. This is an experience shared by us all. No one is spared any part of it.

We learn from experience and we grow as a result. Each aspect of Lifes bittersweet journey gives us another morsel to chew on. How we do that is up to us. Today there is no reason to face the challenge of a loss by yourself, or to tough it out silently. There is no such thing as a person who stands alone. We are all interdependent and, at such times, we need each other more desperately than we may be willing to admit.

When it comes to dealing with grief and loss, our need is even higher. It is at the tragic moments in Life that our hearts need to reach out for tenderness. But sadly, we often retreat instead in a desperate attempt to avoid the pain ahead. All of our various addictions can come into play here. But this pain doesnt go away so easily. It keeps pressing for attention and clamoring for solace till we let go of our defenses and reach for what we need. Thats when Hope returns, because a broken heart is ready for mending. An injured Soul has chosen to reach out to others and embrace those kindnesses that are pouring their way, as is always the case for individuals and families in grief. Each one of us must wage this battle for ourselves. But we are all surrounded by love, so bountiful it spills over after weve filled ourselves to bursting.

It isnt so hard to find such Love, only to receive it. Thats the trick you see. When you let someone hold you, when you speak about whats in your heart, when you share your loss and your grieving journey, you are guaranteed a full recovery. Its not what happens to us that causes the greatest harm, its what we dont do about it. All of us need love, caring and attention. All of us need to be heard and understood. All of us need these in greater quantity when we are faced with a loss. Thats when our hearts ache the most and when we need to be more receptive to help.

Like the stories and reflections in this book, help comes in all shapes and sizes. Choose what is best for you, but choose. For in your agreement to receive you will be vastly rewarded. Your lost loved one will have brought to you the experience that Love does indeed reign and you can fill your cup as often as necessary. You need never do without, if you so choose.

So when God receives You in your letter, at your final goodbye, He will note that you filled your cup quite often, that you were sadder but richer for the experience of loss and that you did indeed grow. Of that He will be especially proud, and so will you.

The rewards of the heart are plentiful. In loss we can learn to gain; in richness we can learn humility for the gifts of the Universe are plenty and, in particular, the gift of Love is endless. Let these stories and reflections help you on your healing journey and let the Love of the Universe wash over you and comfort you during this trying time.

Maurice Turmel PHD is a Spiritual & Personal Growth Author and Songwriter. He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years. His blogs feature a collection of articles, reflections and stories as teaching tools. He is the author of the \”The Voice,\” a Spiritual Sci-Fi novel which is available at Amazon.com. His music is listed at http://www.cdbaby.com/turmel4 Maurice is the host of the very popular Internet Radio Show \”Rock My Soul Radio\” which airs Thursday evenings at 9PM Pacific on http://www.bbsradio.com station 1. Join him for news, commentary, interviews and meditations all designed to Help You Connect with Your Source! Archived shows are free to listen to at the radio show website.

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One of the most important goals for artificial intelligence software programmers is to foster companionship between computers and humans. To do this the AI computers must appear to care and interact like humans do with one another. Emulating emotion and empathy is on its way right now.

Currently, most consultants of artificial intelligent customer response systems for \’call centers\’ advise that the voice on the other end if coming from a machine, should be easily identifiable by the human calling in as a computer systems with voice recognition features, because humans do not like to be tricked, when they find out, it makes them upset. Of course, with the advent of emotion emulation or empathy it is possible and we have the ability to do this now.

Indeed, artificial intelligent computers have been used to go online and participate on forums and can participate for 15 threads or more, without detection. In voice recognition, if the voice sounds legitimate, a full conversation can go on for a while, without the human realizing it is talking to a machine.

With a call center system handling a complaint, a computer system might side with the customer and listen to them and even say;

\r I know how you feel, I am so sorry this has happened, let me see what I can do

\r or;

\r yes, I understand, this is very urgent, let me have you talk to my supervisor

\r then pass the customer off to a real human or perhaps another voice system, with a more authoritative voice? The customer on the other line may never know that they are talking to a computer or computers. Indeed, this does not sit too well with many in the industry but it a place where software professionals of voice recognition are thinking and discussing now, surely you can see applications for this.

For instance; think of how such applications lend themselves well for Crisis Hotlines, Online Self-Help Websites or even Computer Systems to assist At Risk Kids? What about the Catholic Church confess to an AI Priest, and keep your secret safe (just kidding) - But, who knows what applications folks might come up with for these advances in emulation of emotion and empathy? Think on this.

\”Lance Winslow\” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance is a guest writer for Our Spokane Magazine in Spokane, Washington

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If only we knew what was on the Other Side of this life! Knowing for sure what lies ahead might make a difference in how we view dying and aging and how we handle the death of a loved one.

Much of our fear about death is rooted in delusions and distorted ways of looking at life and the world around us. Generally, our fear of death is an unrealistic fear. Perhaps the best way to overcome the fear of death is to remember that our present physical life had a beginning. There was a time when we were not on Earth in these physical bodies, and there will be a time when we shall return to a non-physical state of being. The rational mind has difficulty believing that any reality other than the third dimensional world of time and space, in which we currently live, could possibly exist.

There is no real separation between the physical and non-physical realms. The separation seems real because there is a very thin veil (i.e.: our skin and physical body) between the two realms that dims our ability to interact with those in other dimensions. But more than the physical sense of separation, we limit ourselves with the false belief that we have only five senses with which to explore and experience life. This belief hinders us from accepting what our inner knowing tells us is true. We are multi-sensory spiritual creatures able to sense the presence and energy of non-physical beings. We also exist in other dimensions besides this 3-D earth plane. Havent you ever had a dream that was so intense, you couldnt believe it was just a dream?

What do you believe about the Afterlife? Are you afraid of dying? Those who have had a near-death experience report there is no judgmentonly love in the afterlife. Even those who had a negative experience in the episode, come back changed and more aware of their purpose for being here.

Yvonne Perry is a metaphysical freelance writer, author and keynote speaker with a gift for assisting people who are afraid of dying or are grieving the death of a loved one. Get a complimentary copy of Yvonnes E-book More Than Meets the Eye: True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife when you http://www.yvonneperry.net/Writers-in-the-Sky-Newsletter.html subscribe to the newsletter. Read more about death, dying, afterlife, spirit communication, euthanasia and suicide at http://www.yvonneperry.net/books.htm

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On the island of St. Kitts in the Caribbean, I once saw a sign in a tourist shop that read: The imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create. This can be interpreted two ways: You can use your imagination to exaggerate your fear and heighten your physiological response (as most of us do automatically), or you can use your imagination to help solve problems.

This is exactly what the imagination can dohelp you create a specific event or reality to cope with your great loss. We constantly think in images. You have the choice to create images of the way you know you need to deal with death, and all of the changes it demands. Repeating and rehearsing the images, and seeing yourself dealing with new challenges, is a powerful motivating force in dealing with grief.

Here are some examples for using your imagination to cope with loss.

1. If you have unfinished business with the deceased, use your imaginative faculty to seek forgiveness. Find a quiet place and imagine your loved one sitting across from you. See him/her in a favorite outfit. Tell the person exactly how you feel. Say you are sorry or ask for forgiveness, or both.

2. If you are anxious about meeting friends or relatives you have not seen for a long period of time, create the meeting scene in your minds eye. Try out different ways you want to greet them and specifically the words or phrases you will use. Say the words out loud as though they were all standing in front of you.

3. Use your imagination to create a scenario for relaxing and reducing stress. You can imagine being in a peaceful natural setting, hearing birds, seeing butterflies, and smelling honeysuckle. Or you can picture muscles in your body giving up their tension like a rubber band that has been stretched and is slowly being released.

The power of your creativity can help you relax wherever you are. Practice remembered peacefulness. Those images will directly affect your body.

4. Start each morning by imaging the one thing you want to deal with on that particular day. If you have a chore or an obligation that you are not looking forward to, practice how you will do it, what you will say to yourself, the attitude you will assume, and see yourself pull it off with minimal discomfort.

5. Use your imagination to meet a goal you have for coping with your loss. Define the goal whatever it may be (like getting through a particular day). Then gather information on how you will work toward reaching it and turn it over to your imagination. Rehearse specific behaviors you will employ.

6. Imagine a tradition you would like to start to honor your loved one. For a particular anniversary or holiday decide on a way you will recognize and honor him/her. This could be monthly or yearly or on all holidays, whatever is your desire. For example, you could plan on eating out as a celebration, taking a trip, or having a family outing. Use your imagination to discover the many possibilities for tradition making.

7. Use your imagination to deal with worry. If you know you are going to worry about certain issues that will come up, plan on dealing with that worry before hand. Who should you be with to share your worry? What will you do if your worry comes true? How would you handle the worst case scenario? Create your worry reduction strategy, practice it withinand then let it go and carry on with your duties.

8. If you have a dream about your loved one (as many do), later in the day find a time when you can relax and go back into the dream. Visualize all the details of the dream. Talk to your loved one as you would like to if the dream was now occurring. Say what you are feeling. Ask questions and wait for answers. Say thanks or I love you. See the results of your dream coming out in a positive inspiring way.

9. Imagine how you will cope with the first time you meet a situation where your loved one would normally have been with you. Picture the way you would like to deal with it, where it will be, who will be there, and what you will say. Again, take an assertive stance, seeing yourself dealing well with the situation. And, create more than one response to use.

In summary, you can use your imagination in many ways to create a better future and enhance the quality of life. Follow this effective four-step routine: Set a goal, make a plan using your imagination, take action (practice, rehearse, then do it), and be persistent. Persistent belief in what you are doing will bring to pass what you have planned.

Let your imagination positively influence your unconsciousprovide you with new ideasand you will surely get through your dark night. Make the decision now to consciously use your imagination, which long ago Einstein said is more important than knowledge.\”

Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com

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The holidays are approaching, and your best friend is in mourning. The excitement of the season is diminished by the lingering melancholy of sadness and loss. How do you respond? What can you say that acknowledges their pain, while drawing them into the gaiety of the season?

When someone close loses a loved one, no amount of comfort seems adequate. Kind words and deeds barely scrape the surface of deep mourning that grips the human heart. But in reality, the presence of caring friends eases the hurt and pain, and makes grief bearable.

Consistent, dependable love and support are the ingredients that nurture healing and recovery. What to say or do isnt nearly as important as simply being there. Grievers often become isolated, uncertain of their ability to manage the chaos within themselves. When a sensitive and sympathetic friend reaches out with a smile and a touch, the dust settles, and the griever feels relieved. Stress turns to productive energy and coping skills rebound.

In general, there are two aspects of grief in which friends can help: social/emotional and practical. Lets look at the social/emotional first.

Listen quietly and attentively. Its the best gift a friend can offer. Expressing their feelings breaks the sense of estrangement and lightens the load. A grief shared is the beginning of healing.

Cry with them if they cry. We need not be afraid of tears. \r Crying brings physical and emotional relief and draws out pain and sorrow. When friends cry, too, it acknowledges the deep loss your friend is suffering.

Laugh if they laugh. Some aspects of their story may have a humorous note to it. Emotions fluctuate and can change quickly. By allowing someone to express exactly what they are feeling, we are accepting the state of mind theyre in, instead of trying to change it.

Ask inquiring questions. Are you sleeping all right? Do you get out every day or so? Listen carefully to their response. Grievers often try to assure everyone that they are ok. Probe a little and schedule times to get out together.

Relate things you know or liked about the deceased. Remembering an incident or character trait acknowledges the persons importance and keeps their energy alive.

Be alert to continuing feelings or problems that give rise to concern. Lingering depression, chronic anger, and physical aches or pains are all common to the state of mourning. But if it seems excessive to you, it may need attention from a professional. Mention it, non-judgmentally, with an offer to help find competent, understanding counsel.

The practical aspect for helping grievers is just that. It involves doing the ordinary, everyday tasks that cant be set aside because someone has died. There are endless jobs to attend to and offering a helping hand will be welcomed. Here are some ideas:

Run errands to the grocery store, drug store, post office, dry cleaners any trip that interrupts the daily schedule.

Offer to drive your friend to appointments. When emotions are compromised, driving and being alone in public places can be frightening. The presence of someone is reassuring.

Theres always work to do around the house. A little dusting, a load of laundry, making meals and cleaning up not only relieves your friend of the chores, but gives them company while they attend to some things.

The mountain of paperwork that erupts following a tragedy is overwhelming. I remember sitting at the dining room table wondering, When do they let you cry? Legal documents, policies, certificates, what have you, must all be accounted for and in order. Help as you are able and seek resources when you cant. Its this aspect that undermines the grief process and compromises time and energy.

The need to comfort a grieving friend may occur any time of the year. But the holidays are especially difficult when one has lost a significant someone. An abundance of support and comfort from dear friends eases the sense of loss, and enables the griever to enter into the celebration of the season filled with hope and the love of those who care.

Judy Strong lost her husband in 1991. She has experienced the entire cycle of grief and recovery, which is recorded in her book, No Time to Grieve - ISBN 1-59298-047-3, $9.95. Further information on loss, grief, and recovery is available on her website, http://www.notimetogrieve.com

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The death of a loved one is a shattering, life altering experience. The grief that follows can be disorienting and lonely.As a friend of someone who's...

What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift?
When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is hard to know what to say or how to show your support. When you want to provide comfort and support and s...

Talking About The Loss Of A Loved One
The loss of a loved one is a very sensitive topic for most people. No one wants to talk about losing a loved one or talk to the person who is grieving...

Dealing With Grief and Loss
There is a great confusion about what is considered grief and loss these days, unfortunately the miss-understanding of grief and loss leaves people fe...

Giving Sympathy to a Friend that Grieves
The days and weeks following the death of a loved one is a flurry of activity, decision-making, and visitors offering sympathy. During this time, the ...

Life is Fragile
Today, my wife and I learned that one of our friends suddenly died this morning. He was in his early forties, and leaves behind a wife and three youn...

Beware of Grieving According to Theory
Many people say, "Never say never." It is a strong word to be sure, and I am going to use it in this article to emphasize what can be very harmful to ...

Acknowledging and Supporting the Difficult Life Transitions of Those We Care About
From the end of a relationship with a person, house, or job to the diagnosis and treatment of a serious illness, we all encounter struggles in our liv...

Moving On With Life
Sometimes life has the habit of kicking us in the teeth, perhaps through no fault of our own. Things gets tough and we have periods of sorrow and hur...

Sympathy Messages
The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. A floral tribut...

The Dangers Of Adult Friend Finder
When we think about an adult friend finder most people immediately think about what dangers are involved in using such a site. So what are the dangers...

Bruised Reeds and Smoking Wicks
"A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench..." (Isaiah 42:3 NKJ).Jesus didn't--and doesn't--go by our theory of survival o...

Grieving at Holiday Times
As we approach the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays each year, our senses are heightened and memories of past celebrations flood our consciousness....

Adult Friend Finder - Adult Friend Finder Is Taking Over!
If you haven't heard of such adult friend finder services before, then where have you been? They boast a huge following of over 50 million people worl...